Committed

I committed.
I committed to fifteen hundred dollars worth of clear plastic that will change my smile, which really isn't all that bad to begin with.  I'm bouncing between ecstasy and buyers remorse. Now I'm thinking I should be committed. 
I finished a spec script for ABC's Castle.  I'm pretty proud of it.  I'm thinking of entering the ABC/Disney writers fellowship next year when I've wrapped more stuff up.  This will add bulk to my finished projects.
In the comming month I'm submitting my feature length project to The Nicholl Fellowship, The Burbank Film Festival and The Austin Film Festival.
I'm hitting up a friends play next week.  She's nervous as it's her first live performance.  She's been saying she wants to be an actress for years, and this is the first time she's ever been on stage.  I'm not really sure how that happened.... I'm also not sure how one makes it through the California Public School System without being forced into a play or two. 
I need another job.  for a while I was writing for ehow.  i finally got my articles up there where I was actually earning, and the ehow screws me and changes the terms of use.
I guess my next e-stop is craigslist.

And We're Patched.

Well, crowned. Or re-crowned.
And swollen, and heavily medicated.  And I'm suffering from one sided-droopy face.
But my dental problems are fixed.... or just beginning.
You see, I'm in the midst of a major possible commitment.
My teeth.... they're not so great.  I mean, they're white and straight and all, but a little bit spacey.  I had braces as a teen.  They fixed the problem.  But in the last couple years I've noticed some um... drifting.
Okay so the natural reaction is hey, maybe wear my retainer right?  Can't.  Thanks family dog Bodie.
My dentist made me an offer this afternoon.  In the past I've inquired about invisalign.  I was quoted 5 grand and laughed my way out of the office.  I mean, my teeth are straight, just a little not as close together as I'd like ad my car isn't even worth that.
So I guess there's a girl who's got the opposite problem with just her bottom teeth being jacked (mine is just my top teeth).  My dentist made an offer to let us spilt the cost, and discounted.
I could fix my upper spacing issue for just 1500 bucks.
Part of me wants to laugh.  I have classes to pay for, credit cards to pay off and a gas gauge that doesn't work.  I can not afford a grand and a half.  Plus there's the saver inside of me telling me how much less this is going to cost than I was originally quoted.... and the saver says to go for it.  This is the inside voice that makes me check groupon on a daily basis.
Part of me really really wants to.  Really.  Part of me looks at the money issue and wants to cry.  Maybe I'll take on a second job.  I told him I'd get back to him by the end of next week. 

Relocation: LA

The topic I often think about, but rarely actually mention out loud.
Relocation.  Moving.  Borrowing my parents truck to cart down all my crap.
A move to LA is necessary.  I tentatively brought up the subject with the Lawyer BF today.  Mostly to affirm some kind of consistency in our thinking.
The Lawyer BF becomes an official Lawyer in May.  The Lawyer BF will be looking for a job.  Without a doubt the Lawyer BF will have to move... somewhere.
He once mentioned the possibility of moving out of state.  My response?  Have fun.  I'll miss you.  Send me a cute postcard.
My comfort zone is clearly marked between the Inland Empire and San Luis Obispo, within 150 miles of the beach.  Even if I was lobotomised, I'd still put up a fight before moving outside of it.  I had a boyfriend move to San Diego once.  We broke up. 
This conversation went better.  His network (i.e. law school classmates) is solely based in LA.
My network (i.e. random HS and college acquaintances who have moved on the pursue acting as a career) is in LA.  My friends are there, a few family members are scattered around.  His Nana's there.  It's where we need to be.
And we'll be there by the end of June.
Okay, so technically, SB/ Ventura isn't that far away.  But really, it is.  I find myself looking and student film breakdowns and cringing about the drive.  How nice will it be to worry about it less?
Bring on the shitty apartment.

Busy Bee

I've been swamped lately.
I've got school and work, and the constant need to touch and poke at my first finished screenplay, even though I deemed it complete two weeks ago.
I can't get it out of my head. 
I'm working to re-build up my cash reserve.  You know, the money i had reserved for headshots and my first commercial class?  It's about two thirds gone.  Thank you new tires, insurance bills and entry fees. 
My dentist's daughter had a baby and now he can't see me until the first week of April.  I get it, you're a grandpa for the first time, and I'm not critical here, but I kind of look funky when I smile and I only need like a half hour of your time.  It's getting kind of ridiculous.  I'd go somewhere else, but they wouldn't do anything without an exam first, and then I'd need to reschedule for the actual fixing of the problem.  In the end I'd end up waiting around more.  Then there's the come down period.  last time I was swollen for like ten days....
Which means I won't have my smile until April 18th. 
That's a long time to replace a smile with a head nod to people.  Seriously.  I'm beginning to feel like I'm not me anymore.  I'm being a bitch to everyone who comments on my lack of smile at work, which, in customer service is like every twentieth person.
The next few weeks are packed.  I've got finals as well as B-day celebrations for the Lawyer BF and a close HS friend. 
I'm exhausted.  It's so much harder to wake up when it's still dark.  And running in the dark is unsafe.  This is what I told myself at 6:30 this morning.  That by getting out of bed I was basically dooming myself for a one on one meeting with some rednecks junky pickup.  If I get taken out, it will be by a piece of crap.
In fact, when I was fifteen I did have a face to face encounter with a motor vehicle, and the thing was a total junker.  And to make matters worse, I didn't even leave a dent in the thing.
With my new cable set up I get half hour previews of a bunch of different workout programs.  Friday was belly dancing.  Yesterday was ten minutes to tone, which actually lasted 24 minutes. So I can exercise without the threat of being mowed down.   Today I'm just focusing on staying upright.  I love gaining an hour, I hate losing it.
I got in Battle: Los Angeles last night.  I loved it.  I absolutely loved it.  In general I try to support everything Taylor Handley does.  He's local (as in my home town local), and I swear he's not nearly as much of a d-bag as he sometimes comes across.  The movie was everything I look for in an alien-y flick.  Catch it if you get a chance.

Producer

Happy day after Valentine’s Day Everyone!  Have you all hit the stores for discount chocolate?  That’s what I’d normally be doing, but my diet is keeping me on a bit of a tighter leash.

I’m still plugging away on my script.  Deadlines for Script PIMP, Scriptapalooza and the Early Deadline for FinalDraft are all fast approaching.

So I’m taking a bit of time to update everyone on what’s going on….

I’ve got a bit of a dental problem… it’s cosmetic, and my dentist, the best in the whole county, has a bit of a waiting list, so I won’t be in until mid March.  It’s a bit of a pain, but still nice to think I’ll be putting it off until then just from a pain point of view.  Not so much from a headshot point of view, though I’m thinking if I wanted to go ahead, the problem could be fixed with retouching.

I’m helping fund (for an associate producer credit) a documentary on the homeless problem in Sacramento.  Trevor Morgan is doing it, and I’m a huge fan of his.  I truly believe he’s going to be around, working on quality projects for a long time.  Other people contributing are Will Canon, Paul James and Jake McDorman.  It’s nice to think that while I’m not a working actor, people only a few links away are, and it’ll be cool to see my name next to theirs in the credits.

You can catch the trailer for the upcomming (and I'm so excited!) Bortherhood, written and directed by Will Canon, starring Trevor Morgan, Jon Foster and Lou Taylor Pucci.  I've been waiting for this since it was concieved as a short named Roslyn.

I'm just link crazy today, aren't I?

I’ve been working my ass off, literally, trying to lose weight.  One worthy investment?  Sketchers Shape-Ups.  Four weeks and my calves are constantly killing me, my butt is smaller, and I can even feel it in my lower back.  While I can see a difference, the scale seems a little hesitant to confirm it. 

Valentine’s was wonderful.  The Lawyer Bf took me out to dinner.  It was nice, mostly low key.  I’m not big on the V-day thing., minus the sale chocolate afterwards, that is.  But he is, so we celebrated and now I'm glad we did.

On the other hand, a close friend decided to separate from her husband, so it’s a bit of a damper.  CJ, my Bestie, is moving in with her BF of a year.  While I may have my problems with him, mostly political (he’s a super conservative – complete with homophobia and the works) I’m happy she’s happy.

Two Weeks of Panic

I have two weeks until I need to be finished with my screenplay.  Two weeks until the deadlines for two of the nine competitions/fellowships i'm submitting for.  The dates slowly roll out until the beginning of May.
I having serious anxiety attacks here.  Sometimes they're full blow panic.
I can't decide what i think anymore.
I'm so invested, so well versed in every scene, every line, that I can no longer continue to even pretend to look at it objectively. 
Sometimes I read through and I love it. I can actually picture making the semi finalists for the Nicholl Fellowship.  I can see myself at Sundance's writers lab. 
Other times, I can only picture the reader pitching it into the trash at page seven.  Then laughing and downing a bottle of wine to forget about it.  Then lighting the script on fire in the waste basket, using the last drops of wine as fuel for the fire.
I like to think of it as Waitress meets 500 Days of Summer with a dash of Juno (and oddly, no pregnancy).  But then I wonder if someone else reads it and sees.....  I dont even know.
D-wars?   But it would be worse, because D-wars knew what it was, and my script is just pretending.
I'm calculating the fees.  Between copyrighting and entry fees it's really starting to add up.
Two weeks.

Hearts and Candy

So it’s the start of a new month, in the New Year.  I feel unproductive.

Frebruary makes me feel pink.  And fluffy.  And like I actually deserve to eat all that chocolate.  This wont be good for my behind.

March 1^st makers the cut of date for multiple festivals and fellowships.  I have exactly one month (The short one, too) to get my ducks in a row, and my screenplay in tip top shape.

Here’s the thing:  I thought it was coming along well.  I really did.  But while I was in the shower yesterday I started thinking about how my complete product is nothing like the screenplay I set out to write.  And then I read the last draft of 500 Days of Summer.  It blew my mind.  Mine pales in comparison, that’s if one could even compare the two.  It was a hit, it really was.  Afterwards all I wanted to do was cry.

I’ve been working a lot.  We’re losing shifts next week, so I’m trying to get in as many as I can before that.  I’m looking at a minimum of $400 in entry fees.  So I guess its good I’m working.

Anyway, I’ve set a few goals for the month.

-Finish this draft of my screenplay.

-Register it with WGA. 

-Submit it.

-Meet with photographers and book a date for headshots.

-Commit to at least one class.